Life Advice

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Navigating Family Rules and Friendship Fears

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I'm a brokenhearted Nana who could really use your advice.

I have a 10-month-old grandson whom I adore, but I'm not allowed to kiss him -- not even on the back of his head. Recently, in a moment of pure affection, I forgot and gently kissed the back of his head. It was instinctual. I love him so much, it just happened.

The reaction was swift and harsh. I was scolded and now I'm not allowed to hold him unless he's sitting on my lap, facing away from me. To make matters worse, I'm only allowed to see him every other weekend for two hours, and someone has to be in the room to supervise me the entire time.

I've tried to talk to my son about it, but any attempt leads to an argument or a shutdown. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just to be near my grandson, and my heart is breaking.

Is there anything I can do in this situation? I feel so lost. -- Heartbroken Nana

Dear Heartbroken: I can feel the love and the pain in your letter. This situation sounds heartbreaking, but it's rooted in something more than just that one kiss. Many new parents today have firm boundaries, often tied to health concerns or parenting philosophies. Right or wrong, it's their call.

For now, the best way to stay close is to respect the rules, as hard as they feel. Show your love through gentle presence, patience and consistency. In time, as trust rebuilds and your grandson grows, the restrictions may ease. Let your son know you're willing to follow their rules because your priority is staying in your grandson's life. Your love is clear. Let that be your guide.

Dear Annie: You recently offered advice to a woman in a retirement home who was struggling to make new friends, encouraging her to keep trying, as connections often take longer to form later in life. I'd like to offer a different perspective -- and ask a question that's been on my mind for years.

 

I'm 79 years old and have been single for nearly four decades. While I've stayed close with a handful of longtime female friends -- some of whom live far away -- I've found it nearly impossible to make new female friends at this stage of life. Why? Because women in our age group can be extremely territorial, especially when it comes to men.

It seems like every social situation is colored by this subtle tension. Even when old friends visit, they often leave their husbands behind or are wary when I visit them. There's this quiet fear that any woman, especially a single one, might be seen as a threat.

Do you think it's worth trying to form new friendships with women my age? -- Still Hoping for Connection

Dear Still Hoping: You've hit on a truth many are reluctant to say out loud. In some circles, women of any age can be territorial, especially when a single woman enters the picture. It's often rooted in insecurity, not malice.

But don't give up on your peers entirely. Not every woman is guarded or threatened, and there are still plenty who'd welcome a sincere friendship.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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