Other People's Tattoos: No One Asked You
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am still not inured to the rampant trend of women tattooing their hands, feet, arms, backs and even faces. I don't believe at all that I am old-fashioned, but defacing one's body will never be attractive.
What am I to say to a woman -- "What a pretty tattoo. It really enhances your dainty feet"?
GENTLE READER: And what sarcastic remark would you like that lady to make while critically assessing your appearance?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a large city and take public transportation almost daily. I am 80 years old. The busses and trains have seats up front that are clearly marked for seniors and people with disabilities.
But they are often filled with young people who appear quite fit and healthy. They are also occupied by people with babies or children in large strollers that take up multiple seats.
The bus drivers do nothing to enforce the rules, and we seniors are left trudging down the bus aisle while the people in the seats smirk, look at their phones and talk to each other.
Any suggestions? When traveling with a young child, I used to bring a small collapsible stroller, which I folded up and put my child on my lap. No one does that where I live anymore.
GENTLE READER: It was another Gentle Reader who once came up with the polite way to handle this situation. The idea is to target a passenger who is young and unencumbered; approach them, smile and say, "Thank you so much for saving that seat for me."
Miss Manners hates to encumber this delicious solution, but must add some caveats. First, not all disabilities are clearly visible. There may be young people who are legitimately occupying those seats.
Secondly, please grant some leeway to people with small children. It may not be easy to keep control of a collapsible stroller, let alone a small child.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a lovely couple in their 30s in my community who have gone through fertility struggles. They have just posted an online campaign with the goal of raising money to go toward adoption costs.
Although I understand their desire to have a child, I find this very inappropriate.
I've seen jars looking for donations for honeymoons, money to offset the cost of a wedding, trips abroad and now adopting a baby! Frankly, I am appalled.
GENTLE READER: Indeed, begging -- the humiliating last resource of desperate people -- has now become commonplace among those who want help with their bills or luxuries they cannot afford.
Not that Miss Manners considers having children a luxury. It should be available to all, but it is highly expensive, and the enormous cost of adoption fees (or fertility treatments) would be just the beginning. Will this couple go on to beg for money for the child care, education, medical attention and other necessities the child will require?
She can understand why people sympathize with this couple. But others have their own expenses, and cannot be expected to subsidize those who are presumably capable of managing their own lives.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
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