ArcaMax

Send in the Marines! Damn! That sounds tough.

Say it. Just say it. Yell it into the silence of your living room.

"Send in the Marines!"

When you yell that, you automatically make a fist.

From the halls of Orange County. To the shores of Redondo Beach.

America hasn't really won a war overseas since 1945, so I guess we figured we could win one at home. If nothing else, you don't spend as much money getting the troops to the war when it's at home.

And we're fighting California! All they got is a bunch of illegal landscapers and dishwashers and some soy boy protestors. We gotta be able to whup them.

From the homeless down on Fifth Street. To the shores of Beverly Hills.

The Marines can add one more victory to their long list. Iwo Jima. Fallujah. Hue. Chosin.

Rodeo Drive.

I have older friends, good men. They don't talk too much about their war, but if you ask directly, they'll grunt, "I was in Vietnam. '67."

And they're done.

Fifty years from now, your Papaw will be asked that question.

"California," he'll grunt. "2025."

If you push Papaw, he'll squint into the blood-red setting sun and mutter.

"The Starbucks," he'll say. "We held the Starbucks for three days. No matter what they threw at us, we held on. The drive through never closed."

From the shores of cappuccino. To the hissing espresso machine.

There will be no retreat from Los Angeles. No helicopters flying civilians out at the last second. No need for shame. No need to make another "Rambo" movie to explain in cartoonish fashion that the politicians wouldn't let us win. No POWS will be left behind.

This one gutted-out, shining victory will eclipse lesser performances all around the world. Jigger the history books a little, and it'll be a straight line from the Americans' fight for gun rights in the Revolutionary War, through the Confederates' fight for states' rights in the Civil War, then two back-to-back victories in world wars and, at last, the Marines raise the flag over the blood-slick slopes of Sunset Boulevard.

You don't even need to take a new picture of the Marines raising the flag. Just colorize the one from World War II and Photoshop some new faces on the shoulders of those brave boys. Nobody cares.

During the War of 1812, United States Navy Master Commandant Oliver Hazard Perry won the Battle of Lake Erie and wrote his superiors saying, "We have met the enemy and they are ours."

In 1970, newspaper cartoonist Walt Kelly had one of his characters say, "We have met the enemy and he is us."

From the halls of Pasadena. To the shores of you and me.

When this cruel war is over, when the boys come marching home, don't ask them too many questions. There are things they can't forget.

And if a man squints into the blood-red setting sun and squints his eyes, and mutters, "I remember the Starbucks," leave him alone. He's paid his price. Freedom isn't free.

To find out more about Marc Dion, and read words by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, a collection of his best columns, is called "Mean Old Liberal." It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle and iBooks.