ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After several decades of typing on keyboards, I have lost my ability to write nicely by hand. My solution is to send electronic notes -- for expressing appreciation, recognizing significant events, etc.

There are several lovely e-card forms available. Using them results in more timely responses, as well as significant savings over printed cards and postage.

I feel it would be nice if Miss Manners would acknowledge that electronic thank-yous are as valid as handwritten in today's communication environment. Any thank-you is better than no thank-you at all.

GENTLE READER: Sorry, but you will have to snatch the fountain pen out of Miss Manners' cold, lifeless hand before she agrees that electronic messages are as meaningful as handwritten ones.

She will concede, however, that any response is better than no response (has it really come to this?) as long as the sentiment itself is not computer-generated. "Thank you for the (insert present) that you gave me. It was very special and/or significant" is not fooling anyone.

As for your argument about saving money? Miss Manners highly doubts that the dozen or so letters you write annually is anywhere near the equivalent cost of the computer that you no doubt replace every few years.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a rough spot financially. I really can't afford to attend concerts, grab coffee, dine at restaurants, etc.

Every time a friend makes a request to spend time together, I have to turn them down because I can't afford the outing. Every time someone asks me to contribute to a fundraiser for their children, or to a cause they represent, I must leave the request hanging.

Can you provide a graceful way to decline that hints as to why? I know I am under no obligation to give a reason for declining, but when I'm saying "no" every single time someone invites me to socialize, they are naturally going to begin to speculate why. I would hate for them to conclude that I am simply miserly or uninterested in the friendship.

I have an advanced education and work in a field that people often assume pays well; I suspect that makes people quick to jump to conclusions other than a lack of money.

GENTLE READER: What you are likely referencing is Miss Manners' advice that one not provide excuses when declining invitations. Doing so usually requires lying -- or sharing too much truth.

But as you say, if you keep telling your friends "no" with zero follow-up, they are going to assume you are rejecting the friendship, not the events to which you are invited. A minimal explanation, such as, "Thank you, I'm watching my budget, but I would love to see you for a walk/picnic/free museum" should suffice without exposing your entire financial situation.

But for those seeking contributions for fundraisers, ignoring or rejecting the request is fine. If you feel compelled to give a brief explanation, "Thank you, but my discretionary funds are allocated elsewhere" is plenty. That they are being allocated toward your own bills and groceries need not be disclosed.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN